Feathers and Ashes

After nearly two decades apart we had started writing to each other from two different continents. I had found a feather which I included in one of my letters to him. Unbeknown to me, he had also found a feather which he had included in his letter to me. Our letters crossed and in our next phone conversation we were amazed that we had both received each other’s feathers at the same time.

Feathers were always important to us and we felt that we always found them at meaningful moments in our lives. We took them to be good omens and felt blessed whenever we found one when we really were at a loss in one way or the other. They helped in our decisions, sometimes good and sometimes not so good and somehow helped our minds to see our paths in a clearer way.

A feather is supposed to symbolize freedom, wisdom, honour, strength but can also be interpreted as a message from a loved one who has passed, perhaps saying that everything is as it should be and urging one to remain strong.

Now, Tony has passed, I find feathers everywhere. On my doorsteps as I open my front door or my back door, on the ground as I open my car door, floating down from the sky to land in my open hand, on the earphones wrapped in plastic that were given out in the aeroplane, coming back from Toulon, at intervals as I walk down a country lane, under the table while having lunch in France, and many others in unexpected places.

I feel strongly that they are signs from Tony and I accept that and feel blessed and comforted and motivated to find the strength to carry on moving forward without him with all the sadness and loneliness locked within me.

All I have left of you, my darling angel, are my memories, your ashes and a glass filled with feathers.

I love and miss you, always.